Burnout doesn’t always look like a dramatic breakdown. Sometimes it looks like a woman smiling politely while disassociating in a team meeting. Or rage-scrubbing her stove at midnight. Or crying to a podcast she chose for “light vibes.”
This is not a diagnostic tool. This is a roast.
A loving one. Because if we can’t laugh at the ways we’re barely holding it together… then what are we even doing here? 
Let’s break down the 7 archetypes of burnt-out women — and the chaotic little rituals we call “self-care.”
1. The Girlboss That Can’t Anymore
She was once booked and blessed. Now she’s curled in fetal position whispering “pivot” like a startup ghost.
Still says yes out of muscle memory, then screams into the void while adding it to Asana.
Self-soothe move: Drops $19 on a smoothie because “health is wealth” (but hasn’t opened her 401k in 3 years).
2. The Enlightened Quitter
She’s unsubscribed from hustle culture, shaving, and group chats. Has read Women Who Run With the Wolves three times and still doesn’t know what she wants — just that it’s not this.
Self-soothe move: Long walks, longer captions. Starts an IG account for her sourdough starter named Lilith.
3. The High-Functioning Ghost
She answers emails in under 3 minutes but hasn’t texted her best friend back in 3 weeks. She’s “fine.” Always “fine.”
Her to-do list is thriving. Her soul? TBD.
Self-soothe move: Micromanages herself into oblivion, then rage-orders $200 worth of skincare at 2 a.m. because “maybe glowy skin will fix it.”
4. The Rage Cleaner
She doesn’t process emotions. She disinfects them.
You’ll know she’s spiraling when the baseboards are spotless and the junk drawer has dividers.
Self-soothe move: Declutters aggressively while blasting Beyoncé. Yells “I just want order” when someone leaves a dish in the sink.
5. The Quiet Crier
You won’t see it coming. She’ll smile through your check-in, say “I’m just tired,” and then sob silently while folding toddler laundry.
Self-soothe move: Pours a glass of wine she won’t finish, puts on The Holiday for the 17th time, and whispers “just gotta get through this week” like it’s not every week.
6. The Escape Artist
She booked a solo trip and called it “healing.” Really, she just needed to scream-cry without witnesses.
Self-soothe move: Journals for 7 minutes then posts a picture of the ocean with the caption: “learning to let go 🌊✨.” She is, in fact, holding on by a thread.
7. The Mother to Everyone But Herself
She remembers your dentist appointment, your dog’s birthday, and your dream from last Wednesday — but hasn’t peed alone in three years.
Self-soothe move: Buys everyone she loves a gift “just because.” Forgets to eat lunch. Has a breakdown while making chicken nuggets.
We shapeshift. Some days we’re all 7. Some days we’re just tired.
Burnout isn’t always flames and freefall. Sometimes it’s quiet. Functional. Decorated with to-do lists and Target runs. But underneath it all, the question is the same:
What would it look like to actually rest?
To not earn it, justify it, or collapse into it — but choose it.
Until then, we soothe how we can. We laugh at the mess. And we keep naming it, because naming is the first step to healing.
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Thank you for your kind words. I\’m delighted that you found the post enlightening.
I love how your posts are always so well-structured and easy to follow. Keep it up!